Personal- Will anyone hire me?Sophomore year began with a new off-campus apartment and an acceptance into the Molecular, Cellular, and Developmental Biology Major. Seattle began to feel like home and I was genuinely enjoying what I was doing. I was still working on getting hired in a research lab, a task I had begun over the summer after returning from Italy, but I felt that eventually a lab would have to hire me, right?
Wrong. Cue Imposter Syndrome. It seemed like everyone around me was getting hired in a lab except me. I was sending dozens of emails, interviewing every other week, and hearing every lab or Post-doc telling me that I was great but I needed just a little more experience. I was worried that pretty soon the Biology Department would find out that I was the worst biology student and they would kick me out. Irrational? Maybe, but it had been three months and nothing had changed. The only thing that made the process bearable was that my best friend (and roommate!) was going through a similar application-type process. We spent many late nights expressing our thoughts about feeling like frauds in our departments, venting about our stress, and laughing until we cried (or maybe the other way around?). Near the end of Fall Quarter I got an interview with Adrienne Wang in the Promislow Lab. During this interview I decided to change my tactics, rather then acknowledging the fact that I had zero of the skills required to work in a lab I would emphasize my eagerness and desire to learn. The interview went well but I did not hear from Adrienne for several weeks. I emailed her several times (in a professional way of course) expressing my desire to work in the lab and how cool I thought her research was. After several email exchanges, she hired me! I GOT HIRED IN A RESEARCH LAB! I later found out from Adrienne that the reason she hired me was because of my excitement, tenacity, and “aggressiveness” even though I was the least qualified candidate. I loved working in the lab and having the opportunity to practice what I had been learning in my classes in real life. Both Adrienne and Daniel became incredible mentors and helped me to develop both my lab skills and myself. The first few months were spent learning the basics of fly husbandry, but eventually I joined the ND2 project. The project was studying Leigh Syndrome, one of the most common childhood mitochondrial diseases, and the effects that other genes might have on the disease. After working on the project for five months, my lab partner and I decided to present our work at the Undergraduate Research Symposium. It was a long process of working with Daniel to learn how to analyze our data and prepare our presentation but eventually we were ready to present! I was really proud of the hard work I had done but was disappointed that my parents would not be able to be at the presentation as they were in California. Much to my surprise, the night before my presentation my dad knocked on my apartment door! I was so incredibly excited that he had come all this way to surprise me. It felt amazing to present my research to my mentors and friends, but it meant the world to me that my dad was able to be there as well. |
Academic - Finding ConfidenceThis academic year was an equal mix of “faking it until I make it” and “crushing it,” the former referring to my time in the organic chemistry series and the latter referring to my biology classes. I was struggling through the organic chemistry series and always getting a grade that was “good,” but far below the standards I set for myself. I was so frustrated that everyone else around me seemed to be having no problem; it was like they had all taken organic chemistry before while I was struggling to even draw an accurate benzene ring in the chair formation.
My biology classes were what kept me going though. I took my first upper division biology course, Bio 355: Foundation of Molecular and Cellular Biology with Dr. Wakimoto, during winter quarter and did incredible. I was so fascinated with the material and worked so hard to make sure that my ability and interest were demonstrated fully. Sometimes I worried that it was supposed to be easier, that I was not supposed to be spending hours trying to understand a research paper or that I should not have to watch several Khan Academy videos in addition to reading my book just to fully understand a complex process. No one else seemed to be genuinely confused during class so I kept my worries to myself and studied hard outside of class. All in all, I was not exactly sure what standard I was supposed to be aiming for, academically speaking that is. I was getting good grades, but good enough for eventual admission into medical school? I certainly did not have a perfect GPA, but it seemed good enough. This question of whether I was good enough to be a biology student and good enough to be a pre-medical student plagued me throughout sophomore year. I received an unexpected confirmation that I was doing well though during spring quarter when the Biology Department scholarships were announced. I had applied with little expectation, I had only been in the department for two quarters, there was no way I would be chosen for a scholarship, if anything, the application would be great practice for when I was eventually ready to apply. Much to my surprise, I received an email at 7:30 am as I was getting ready to leave for work that I had been awarded the Susan Huscroft Scholarship, which would give me the amount of in-state tuition every quarter until I graduated. I read the email three times before I screamed and erupted into a celebratory dance, much to my roommates’ amusement. While the financial assistance was greatly appreciated, the part of the scholarship struck me the most was that is was awarded to “Molecular, Cellular, and Developmental Biology majors that have great potential to be physicians.” This scholarship was the answer I needed. It did not matter if I wasn’t a natural at chemistry or biology, my tenacity, passion, and work ethic were enough to convince a whole panel of biology faculty that I had what it takes to be a physician. If they believed in me, then it seemed ridiculous to not believe in myself.
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