Personal - Overcoming FailureThis school year began with a rollercoaster of emotions. At the start of my senior year, I was in the middle of Fellowships applications. The application process involved eight months of practice interviews, application rewrites, legitimate interviews, and constant anxiety. I made it to the final rounds of the Fellowship application process but in the end, I was not selected for any of the Fellowships I applied for. To be honest, I was devastated. I spent about a week being angry, talking about how much I did not even want this opportunity, and watching an endless amount of Mind Hunter (aka the darkest TV show on Netflix).
The truth was, I wanted these Fellowships so much. I had never worked so hard on an application, given something my all, only to be shot down. To make matters worse, the Fellowship program coordinator sent me a handwritten note that said I was almost selected. Almost selected?! This felt like the ultimate rejection. I sent my Fellowship advisor, Robin Chang (aka the greatest/most supportive/incredible person ever), an email filled with pity and anger over the decision that both Fellowships I applied for had made. In response, Robin emailed: “And that’s also why I insist that not being selected is not the same thing as being rejected. “Rejection” suggests there’s nothing you could do, under no circumstances would they accept you. But that just isn’t the case here, or with any other scholarship. They made a decision this time around, which could be very different next time around, especially when you receive such encouragement. So it may be semantics to some, but it’s an important difference to those of us who live in this crazy realm of scholarship-land where hairs get split a million different ways all the time. So I hope you’ll not write all this off, but consider Luce, Fulbright, and other stuff for the years to come. The double whammy happened this time and it sucks, but your awesomeness guarantees good things to come!!” I sat in my office and cried while reading her email. Despite the fact that I was gut-wrenchingly disappointed over the outcome, Robin was right. I had an incredible experience, met amazing people through the process, and learned a lot about myself. Most importantly, I learned how many people in my life from professors to advisors that supported me and believed that I would succeed. I am now stuck with the difficult, exciting, and terrifying decision of what is next. I have no idea what the answer to this question will be, but I know that I am capable of overcoming even the most monumental rejections and that I have the greatest support system one could have. |
Academic - Taking StockSo to finish up my senior year and receive my Bachelor of Science degree, I only had to take Fall and Winter quarter courses. While I had a reduced course load each quarter and was able to take really interesting Biology senior seminars, I have not been as active in my courses. I have been doing the work required of me, participating in class, and am genuinely interested, but I feel like classes have been my second priority.
These last two quarters I have been focusing on me, my relationships, and thinking critically about what I want to do next. Being so close to the end of my college career I have come to realize that while my education has been important, the people that I have met along the way have made my education worth it. So in my last few months, I am taking time to finish my Seattle Bucket List, to spend time with the people I care about, and fully savor my UW experience. I feel my boots
trying to leave the ground, I feel my heart pumping hard, I want to think again of dangerous and noble things. I want to be light and frolicsome. I want to be improbable and beautiful and afraid of nothing, as though I had wings. -Mary Oliver, Starlings in Winter |